We went out to dinner tonight to a couple I met on Sunday in the mother's room at church. Can I just pause here to mention if you are a church leader to not underestimate the impact your mothers room (or lack of) has to families of young children.
As predicted 3 songs into the service Nathan had a melt down over the way Oliver looked at him or something as trivial and I scoped him up and made a dash for the door before he let loose on the real screaming. Some kind usher saw me make a run for it and mentioned there was a mothers room down the hall and would I like to use it.
This room was an oasis! 2 comfy couches. tea, coffee and biscuits set up on a tray. A Change table, A big toy box, lots of books and a big TV screen that she turned on for me which gave me a live feed through to the service. I could relax, knowing Nathan could play and make noise and wasn't going to be a distraction to others in church and I could still be a part of the service.
About 20 minutes later I was joined by another couple with their 2 and 1 year old daughters. We got chatting and it turns out they are new to Franschhoek as well, moving form Capetown a month previous. We commented about the beauty of this mothers room when she said it was one of the best they had seen and would probably choose this church because of it. The church they had visited a week prior had actually asked them to go outside as their girls were being too noisy. You can bet they did, outside, to their car and drove home. Anyway, conversation flowed in between listening to the sermon (another beauty of the mothers room) and we exchanged numbers which lead to a few texts and an invite out to their place for dinner tonight.
It would have been a lovely night, they are a gorgeous young family and we had a lot in common but we left their place embarrassed at the behaviour of our youngest and sure that he would be the topic of their conversation after we left and we doubtful if we would ever be invited back.
Nathan was a shocker. And here is where it's hard to admit, because you always want to see the best in your kids but his behaviour wasn't just bad tonight, it has been for the last month or so. He bullies, pushes and hits other kids as well as us if he doesn't like what we have to say. He screams and screams and screams until it gets too much and we ultimately give in to avoid the scene. He is demanding and naughty and if I'm honest runs this house having Marcus and I wrapped around his finger. Marcus and I realised tonight that a lot of the time we growl at Lucy and Oliver when it is actually Nathan at fault but we do it to appease the beast. Anything to stop the screaming.
We have excused his behaviour away as a 2 year old phase, that he is just a high spirited young boy but tonight Marcus and I had a long hard look at the the 2 years that have made up his life and realised that in everything else going on that we had taken the easier route with Nate. Of course it's never easier in the long run but in the short term, in the moment when everything else is all so hard, giving in to Nathan was the easiest thing to do.
Whenever we witness naughty children we always question their parents because ultimately it does come down to that (most of the time.) So what began as the plane trip from hell with all it's parenting advice from others has led to some honest soul searching and an end to all the excuses.
Yes we have a naughty son that we can't take anywhere. Yes we are aware of it. And yes we are about to change the habits of 2 years to address some issues. It is going to be exhausting, There is going to be a lot of smacks and time out. But it's worth it in the end. We know this. How lovely it will be to be able to take him out in public without the fear. Please remember us in your prayers. you would think third time around we would have this sorted but we don't, all we are is older, more exhausted and in need of perseverance and grace. This Parenting job is hard work no matter what country you live in.
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| His cheeky grin which I love. Right after I took this, he picked up a stone and threw it at Olli's head. |
Hmmm, it sounds a little bit familiar actually. Billy has been the beloved baby that we all go out of our way to appease for so long that he is really only just beginning to be held accountable for his behaviour. His reaction to discipline is so different to the other two, he doesn't seem to realise that we are an authority figure, and the fact we would dare thwart his will brings about an affronted rage, not repentance. He hit Teddy in the head with a wooden block today, not for the first time, if that makes you feel better.
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