Sometimes being a parent is more about remembering being a child.

She was supposed to be having a shower and washing her hair.  Dad was busy bathing the boys and I was cleaning up dishes from having 8 extra people over for dinner that night.  I found her hiding in the space between the fridge and the bench.  Head down in her knees.

My first response was to scold, to tell her enough with the sulky moods.  She knew what she was supposed to be doing and she was wasting time.

You see the last few weeks Lucy has been bursting into tears if things don't go her way.  She lost a coin toss to Oliver which resulted in her sulking for an hour and being mad at whoever tried to cheer her up. She is experiencing a whole lot of emotion without the skills needed to know how to handle that emotion. I understand this but I am also just completely over the behaviour.

But then I remembered.

I remembered being 7, 8 and 9 and hiding in my wardrobe, or packing a bag to run away and hiding under the house.  I remember sitting in the dirt for what seemed like hours but would have only been minutes listening to my family walking around above my head and nobody noticing I had even gone.

I would sit there willing them to come looking for me, or at least start worrying.
"I'll teach them" I would think.  "I'll stay under here all night, and then they will be worried and wish they loved me more."  I would mutter away that little song about worms...

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms.

Big fat juicy ones, teeny weeny inny ones,

See how they wiggle and squirm.

Chop of their heads and squeeze out the juice and throw their tails away.

Nobody knows how I survive on worms

3 times a day.

I remembered what I would have wanted as I sat there at the age of 7 in my self pity pot.  It wasn't a lecture on doing what I should have been doing. It was to know that someone noticed me and cared.

I threw the tea towel over my shoulder and slid my back down the fridge sitting beside her on the kitchen floor.

"What's the matter Goose?" I sighed.

"Today has just been the worst day ever!" She sobbed.

"I didn't get to play with my friend because she got sick. I couldn't hear the end of the movie because Oliver  and Nathan were being too loud. I hate soup but you made me eat it for dinner anyway. Nobody cares what I want!"

I started singing......"think I'll go and eat worms......"

"What?" she laughed while crying.

"big fat juicy ones, teeny weeny inny ones, see how they wriggle and squirm.."

"What are you talking about?" She giggled.

I told her how I used to hide when I was little and sing that song.  She loves hearing stories from when I was a girl and even more she loves hearing how she reminds me of me.

"Well you had it worse," she said, "because you were the middle child."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "yeah, exactly, I was the middle of 3 girls. What are you complaining about Miss ONLY daughter, ELDEST child!"

We both laughed. I got her to think about some positives about the day. Of which there were many. We talked about things to do tomorrow. Then she stood up and took herself off to the shower.

I was glad in this instance I didn't go with my first response. It was more important for me in this moment of parenting to remember and to acknowledge I saw her and I cared.