That time I pretended for a while that I was a professional swimmer.

Some people have asked how my open water mile swim went a few weeks ago. I haven't written about it because it's taken me a long time to get over the whole ordeal. It was pretty horrendous and I was so disappointed in myself. You see, I don't see my life as a comedy but somehow comedy seems to follow me a lot.  In fact even things I try to take really seriously end up in the something to laugh about later category.

I had trained for a month, 3 mornings a week swimming laps for an hour. I had no idea if I could swim a mile non stop or not but I was willing to give it a go.  I brought numerous pairs of goggles to test out, I borrowed training fins, and those discs you put on your hands. I brought a triathlon wetsuit to make me sleek and fast in the water.  I posted my training on facebook to show people that this was a challenge I was taking seriously.

And I was.  I never had any illusion that I would be racing this event to win but I hoped to be able to swim across the dam, non stop for a mile.

And the day came. After freezing water temperatures in past years they moved the event from October until February. This meant the water was a balmy 21 degrees. I didn't really need the wetsuit but heck I had spent $200.00 on it, and it was brand new and deep down I think I wanted to look professional. Despite not having actually swam more than a few laps in it I was confident in it's design as a triathlon suit. This thing was going to enhance my swimming I thought.

There was a deep water start as we all bobbed around treading water in our matching swimming caps waiting for the starter gun. It was I imagined what the survivors of the Titanic must have looked like before they drowned waiting for rescue.

The gun went off and there was a splutter of splashes, arms and legs. I was anticipating this so I hung back a little and when there was room to move I started to swim freestyle. But something was wrong. I couldn't catch my breath at all. I was gasping like a fish out of water and I couldn't swim. Like literally couldn't swim.  

The buoyancy of the wetsuit meant that putting my head in the water and swimming freestyle was like trying to swim in a life jacket.  "This just isn't working" I thought as I continued to gasp for air and tried to control my breathing. I wasn't even 100 meters out when I flipped onto my back and attempted backstroke.  This was supposed to be my strategy half way through the race to catch my breath a bit, not right at the start. 

I backstroked to the first buoy, but I still couldn't breath.  I have never had asthma before but there was a constriction in my chest and I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs.  I looked ahead across the lake and saw the distance I needed to travel and seriously considered signalling a kayaker and pulling out.  But I was taking this seriously remember so even if I doggy paddled this dam I was determined to do it, Dam it. (see what I did there?)

You see those tiny white spots? All the way there and you are only half way. 

I attempted freestyle again but it was hopeless, I couldn't breath and I couldn't swim right.  I tried swimming head out of the water like the lifeguards do, but that was going to kill my neck for a mile. I tried breaststroke but not even proper breaststroke. It was what you see the little old grannies doing at the local pool, head out, going for a Sunday paddle. I readjusted my goggles because they were filling up with water and fogging up and adding to the distress of the whole situation. 

Readjusting goggles while treading water in open water and gasping for breath is not a nice experience.  My head would keep bopping under and I'd get mouthfuls of water. I did actually think that I might drown out there. So I gave up on the goggles, and carried on with them completely fogged up.  I would say swimming blind, except you couldn't even call what I was doing swimming. 

I literally doggy paddled the rest of the way. I watched primary school kids and their parents pass me, I watched an old lady in her 80's swim on past, I'm pretty sure I was past by a group of special needs adults but to be honest everyone looks a bit special needs in a swimming cap and goggles.  I know I certainly did as I kept rolling around in the water, goggles all fogged up, trying to find a style of swimming I could stick with. 

That last 200 meters was the killer. The finishing tent was in sight and I was determined to end well so attempted freestyle again but I just couldn't get it together.  Even backstroke I couldn't sort my breathing out. I crawled out of the water, not last but pretty darn close.

My friend Lea who turned up at the last minute to support her sister, my friend who just 11 weeks ago had a baby and who had done zero training finished long before I did.

It was a humiliating experience and despite finishing, I was so disappointed in my effort. There was no celebrating and I couldn't get that wetsuit off fast enough.

This is a team photo of all the awesome parents I trained with 3 mornings a week.  They were all "Anna, I never saw you come in, where were you?" Um, you never saw me because by the time I came in, you were all up enjoying your free coffee and hot dogs and fully dressed. In fact I think when this photo was taken I was at the half way marker.

So that's why I've been a bit silent on the whole thing. I can laugh about it now but at the time I just wanted to cry. It would have been nice to have posted a successful first open water mile, but there is always next year right?