letting go

Most my life I have been pretty anal uptight about things. I think things should look and be done a certain way and despite whatever is going on around me, I can't rest until it is sorted. This can involve me vacuuming the house at midnight. Sorting washing into 6 different loads so as not to mix colours, buying everything brand new for my hospital bag going into labour right down to a sparkly new toothbrush.  I am aware that this trait drives my family crazy and I am still in awe of my mother when she didn't say a thing the time she came to stay after Nate's birth and I made her re-make the kids sandwiches for their kindy lunch because she hadn't cut them right. Mum you are a saint!

Well what I am learning with 3 kids, a dog and now a husband needing rest is that things have gotta give. I am learning that these little things I obsessed over aren't actually important at all. Nobody cares. People coming to visit, come for just that. To see us.  Not to inspect the carpet, toilet or to sample a fresh batch of biscuits. I am learning to let things go and it is freeing.

I am learning that this is a perfectly acceptable dinner to serve up to the kids. I actually can't believe it has taken me this long to realise this. Children do not need a hot dinner with 3 different types of vegetables and a protein every night. They will still thrive, and I bet years from now they remember how lovely their mum was at bath time this night because she had the energy at the end of the day to play with them and speak in kindness rather than barking bedtime orders.

I am learning that as long as he is sleeping it doesn't matter what he is wearing.

I am learning that smiling faces are more important than still been in a dressing gown at 11am.

I am learning to pray, not just before meals and at bedtime but all. the. time. The peace that comes from whispering up prayers every time i feel overwhelmed is what is keeping me going.